When your heart shatters…

That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you get bad news. I’m so sorry if you know this feeling. It usually comes a lot with a broken heart. When your heart is shattered and you know that no hug will be right enough to put those broken pieces of your heart back together. Some prices will form back together over time but there will always be that one small hole that nobody and nothing can fill nomatter how hard you try to fill it. 

Xoxoxo

Reality 

Pressure of the future…

The future. What is the future? What does your future look like? What will you make of your future? The scary thing about the future is you have full control. The future could be 30 seconds from now, 30 minutes from now, 30 days from now, 30 years from now. What will you be doing? The thought that every little thing you do today could in some way impact your future… that is terrifying. In today’s society we are constantly being bombarded with all these messages, go to school, get a job, get married, get you shit together. That is the way we are raised to believe our life is meant to go. A simple map right? Wrong! For some that may be how it works out and for some it could go the opposite way… start a family, get a couple minimum wage jobs, to go school (if that is what they decide), and get a career (or don’t). I guess what I’m trying to get at is we spend so much of our time and energy worrying about “the future” when we really should be putting that energy into enjoying the present moments.

Xoxoxo

Reality

Lost in the wind…

There is somthing so serine about the way the wind whistles through the trees. The way the wind brings the flowers to life and they begin to dance as if to say I’m alive and free. The sound of the wind as it flys through the mountains and sores to new highest. The wind is a free spirit. It sores higher then I can even  imagine and nothing stands in its way, it is strong yet gental at the same time. As I am walking down the street the wind wraps around me almost like it knows my struggles. It wraps its arms around me and for a moment it seems asthough all my pain has been carried away and lost in the wind. 

Xoxoxo

Reality 

The way I look through your eyes…

Through your eyes I seem like a girl with no care in the world. Wild hair and no makeup. Confident, loud and outgoing. Social and that person who is always there for you. 

I wish this was all true. Through your eyes I look like I have it all together. 

I do have some stuff together. I drive, for my own car, plans for the future… but I am the opposite of confident and care free. 

Let me let you in on a little secret, I fight battles on the daily, not battles that are seen through your eyes, no. These battles take place in the corners of my mind. Sometimes they make even getting out of bed seem like a marathon. They they tell me things that logically I know arnt true but they sometimes can be so convincing. I smile all the time but sometimes smiling is all I can do to try and help make things seem berable. 
This post is making me nervious to even post. I feel vulnerable and naked posting this online but I am doing so becuase I know now that I am not alone in this battle, there are others like me. Nobody deserves to feel these things but god gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. 

Xoxoxo

-Reality 

Those people who make your life worth living …

We all have those people who make your life worth living. It might not be an easy life. It will be filled with all the ups and downs, the highs and the lows but these people make it a bit easier to push through. From me those people are my sisters and my best friend. I have my little sister. She isn’t so little anymore but she is the one that I stay in this cruel world for. I have done things I’m not proud of but she never left my side and for that I will never be able to repay her. My older sister is the other one who has changed my life. She adopted me into her world when I saw no hope and help unlovable. She picked me up and hugged me so tight that all my broken peices stuck back together. She showed me that even in the dark there is always light. No matter how far across the world she is from me now I always know she is there and I am always there for her aswell. The third person is my best friend. We met at a time when letting new people into our world was a dawnting task and because of that it took us a year to actualy hang out for the first time. My best friend showed me the beauties that laid in the trees and the simplicity and serenity of a rock being tossed in the steam. Together we encourage eachother to grow into the best versions of ourself we can be. These 3 woman have been an amazing and probably the most important people in my journey. Others have made an impact and for that I am forever greatful but these 3 have changed my life forever. 

Xoxoxo

-Reality

What is love?

We all have our own definition of love… what is love defined by in your eyes? For me it is the phone ringing at 2 am with your best friend on the other line and they called to wake you up becuase they simply had somthing exciting to tell you, or there world is crashing down and they need you to hug them so tight there peices stick back together. Love is the days I sit under the pier at the beach playing my ukulele writing songs while listening to the sound of the rain beating off the old wooden planks that have been walked on by many from all over the world, and the sound of the crashing waves. Those random text messages from people that just say hey how are you? That for me is the definition of love. Or those friends who randomly pop over to your house just to say hi or bring you a coffee. That is what truly makes me feel loved in the world. 

Xoxoxo

Reality

We all live in our own made up world…

I sit watching out the window As people walk by. As I watch them I realize they are all in there own worlds. Everyone is in there own little worlds that they have created in there heads. Not one worlds is the same as another. Some may be more colourful then others, some may be created without sound, or images… But we all have our own little worlds. All with there own interpretations of life. Our own worlds are created the minute we are born and as we grow older we draw from our experiences to shape the world we think we deserve. Nobody knows exactly what another’s world looks exactly like, but we can look at there body language and there interactions with others and try to imagine what they see. Most walk by on there phone oblivious to the fresh air that is filling there lungs, consumed by there jobs or whatever lets they are discussing using there forms of electronic communication. I often wonder what there world looks like? Do they notice the bird singing such a beautiful song in the tree over head? Do they notice the others walking past them on the sidewalk? And then there is the small child walking on the other side of the road. Jumping in puddles and being mesmerized by the worm desperately trying to swigle back to the garden. This small little child seams so oblivious to the rest o the world, he is truly living inside his own little world. His world appears to be so carefree and joyful. A group of teenage girls walk by with there school bags on there back, they giggle and seem so care free with there hair in messy buns and there oversized hoodies, but are they really that care free? The one girl trails a little bit behind the rest of the group but still stays close enough that she can appear to be with them. Her arms are closed tight against her body and her smile looks broken, what does her world look like? Is it truly as fun and carefree as she makes it look? That is the difference between adults and children, adults are so consumed by responsibility and what they should be doing, there world are shaped from when they where a child, but all the fun they used to have in there world has become consumed by how they should act. Where as children’s worlds appear so carefree and memorizing, sure they still have expectations to live up to, but they still know to creat fun on a daily basis. The teenagers appear to be consumed by a carefree life after school, but the one girl made me wonder are they so carefree? I don’t think so? They are trying to navigate there worlds aswell as the “real world” they are trying to find there place of belonging And navigate the transition between child and adult world. This thought only increases my need to know more about other peoples worlds and what led them to shaping there world as they see it today.

Xoxoxo

-Reality